Read:A Square Peg!

Gilbert Blythe: Wohow, we’ll cream[?] you!

Anne Shirley: With that monstrosity, I hardly think so!

Diana Barry: [giggles] Not against our fortress!

Anne: Like King Arthur’s castle, our sturdy walls will repel their ill-crafted artillery.

Perry: They’ll never get a single snowflake through our windows.

Anne: Prepare to don thine armour.

Diana: I’m ready to do battle low fair, noble knight.

Anne: A surprise attack! Heathens! [screeches]

Gilbert: Uh. Uh.

Diana: Uh.

Anne: Our castle cannot withstand the savage attack of these barbarians.

Diana: We must redouble our efforts! Uh!

Anne: Uh.

Perry:: It’s working. They can’t hit us.

Gilbert: We’ve won! Uh.

Perry: Uh.

Gilbert and Perry: Huh. [both laughing]

Anne: Yay!

Diana: We did it!

Anne and Diana: Uh. [both laughing]

Gilbert: Oh, why you–

Anne: [screams] Gilbert!

Gilbert: Uh.

Anne and Diana: [laughing]

Anne and Diana: [gasp]

Gilbert: Uh-oh.

Peg Bowen: [?]

Anne: It’s Peg Bowen.

Peg: [murmurs]

Anne: Did you see that?

Gilbert: What’s Peg Bowen up to now?

Gilbert: Oh, that snow was freezing.

Anne: That’s nothing compared to the shiver I felt on my spine when Peg Bowen cast her eye my way.

Diana: It’s enough to turn me to stone.

Perry: She has turned kids to stone.

Anne: Don’t talk of such silly things.

Perry: She’s a witch! Why else would she drag that huge cauldron?

Gilbert: And live alone in the forest.

Diana: And have that horrid pet crow!

Anne: She does dress strangely.

Diana: In trousers, like a man! Must be for casting spells.

Perry: And making a magic potion.

Anne: One thing’s for sure. Peg Bowen is a deep dark mystery.

Matthew Cuthbert: Isn’t this one a beaut? Or this one?

Anne: Matthew, I declare these your best drawings of the whole winter!

Matthew: Well now, that’s ‘cause the last snowfall of the season make the nicest snowflakes.

Anne: [laughs] No two are alike. Isn’t that right?

Matthew: Just like people. Anne: [grunts]

Marilla Cuthbert: Hats are for your head, Anne. Not for beating a poor defenceless railing.

Anne: We had the most thrilling snow fight today.

Matthew: Speaking of hats…

Anne: Oh, Marilla, did you finish it?!

Marilla: Hmm…

Matthew: [laughs]

Anne: Oh, it’s splendid! It makes supper seem like a royal feast.

Marilla: So long as you display the manners of a princess as well.

Anne: Marilla, my conduct would be worthy of a king’s table.

Marilla: [sighs] You are a strange one, Anne.

Anne: If you want strange, you should’ve set eyes on Peg Bowen today.

Marilla: Did she come to town for provisions?

Anne: No, she had a huge cauldron which she dragged through the street on her sled. I’ve never seen such a chilling sight.

Matthew: Well now, with no horse and sleigh, how else can she move her things?

Anne: Hm, I guess it is rather ingenious.

Matthew: Ever since she was a child, Peg knew how to look after herself.

Anne: You knew Peg Bowen that long ago?!

Marilla: No need to sees chewing. She is an eccentric. Always has been.

Marilla: [voice-over] Peg Bowen’s father was a woodsman. He built their shack in the forest where she lives to this day.

Matthew: [voice-over] Peg knew all the bird calls. She would feed them and even tame them.

Marilla: [voice-over] Peg knew everything about plants. And which ones were good for cures.

Matthew: [voice-over] One time, I took old Rex to her. She knew just how to make him better.

Marilla: [voice-over] She liked birds and trees and dogs, but Peg Bowen never had much time for other people.

Anne: I can’t believe it.

Matthew: What? That Peg Bowen never liked people?

Anne: No. That she was ever actually a girl!

Marilla: We were all children once, Anne.

Anne: I suppose to get as strange as Peg Bowen, you need to start young.

Matthew: We all have our special differences.

Anne: I don’t. There is nothing different about me whatsoever. In fact, if it weren’t for my red hair, I’d be the most utterly normal person I know. Wooow.

Marilla: [sighs]

Anne: [gasps] What a deliriously exciting close call.

Marilla: [sighs]

Gilbert: Dogs?

Diana: Birds?

Perry: Plants?

Anne: Marilla and Matthew said Peg Bowen’s an eccentric. And eccentrics do strange things.

Children: Wooow.

Peg: Here, crow!

Diana: Did you see that?

Perry: What has she got there now?

Gilbert: They might be to bury things in.

Perry: I say they’re for potions.

Diana: Actually, Anne, they look a bit like you in a princess hat.

Anne: They are nothing like my hat!

Diana: Well, they’re the same… shape.

Anne: That’s it! We must get to the bottom of this!

Gilbert: You mean… follow her?

Anne: Yes!

Diana: Into the forest?

Anne: It’s time we learn the truth!

Diana: What was that?

Perry: Are you sure this was a good idea?

Anne: We’ll see her, but she won’t see us.

Gilbert: Besides, there’s strength in numbers.

Diana: [gasps] Then let’s stick together!

Perry: Uf.

Anne: Shhh! [gasps]

Diana: What was that?

Perry: Uh oh.

Gilbert: What is she doing with those scissors?

Anne: She’s cutting her own hair?

Diana: What is she gathering it for?

Perry: A potion, a potion, I told you, it’s a potion.

Children: [scream]

Gilbert: We’re far from her now.

Anne: I hope so. I’m starting to think she’s a witch after all.

Diana: Really?

Anne: The facts all add up. Her hair, her magic stuff, her witchy walk. [mimicking Peg’s voice] Here, crow. Here, crow. Let’s go scare some kids and then we’ll go make a magic po– [swallows]

Diana: [gasps]

Peg: Not bad. Except, you forgot my earring.

Children: [scream]

Peg: Here, crow. [laughs] They won’t be bothering us now.

Anne: And then she left right out of the bushes to scare the wits out of us!

Marilla: You should be scared. Caught in such undignified and rude mockery of another person.

Anne: But we were only playing to keep ourselves brave in the face of Peg Bowen’s witchy strangeness.

Marilla: Nonsense.

Anne: She was cutting her own hair!

Marilla: What else is she to do, living alone? Her hair grows, like yours.

Anne: Well if that’s eccentric then I’m glad I’m not. [gasps]

Oh, they’re marvellous!

Matthew: I thought you might like some to decorate your snow fort.

Anne: Oh, Matthew, these will inspire us in our repairs. We’ll make the best fort ever.

Gilbert: He does drawings of snowflakes?

Perry: What’s the point?

Anne: To capture nature’s individual and glorious beauty before it perishes.

Perry: I’d say he’s [?] strange.

Anne: [gasps] What would you know about these masterpieces?

Gilbert: What would you know? You look pretty weird yourself! Done up like that.

Anne: Who are you calling weird, you weirdo?

Diana: Yeah!

Gilbert: Run, Perry, the weird sisters are after us!

Gilbert and Perry: [laughing]

Gilbert: Weird sisters.

Diana: Hm… that got rid of them.

Anne: How dare they insult Matthew? Diana: Well, you have to admit, Anne, there isn’t anybody else in Avonlea who draws snowflakes.

Anne: So what? It’s a wonderful interest.

Diana: What’s that sound?

She’s… [chuckles] she’s talking to trees.

Anne: Sending messages to the roots. Waking them up for spring!

Diana: Anne, let’s go home.

Anne: What?! Her again.

What's she got now? Huh, a drill? Oh, my goodness, Diana– Diana? Diana. Oh, no, I’m lost!

Anne: Now I mustn’t panic. I’ve found my way out of the forest before, I can do it again. [gasps] What’s that? This is too much. Peg’s everywhere. Ugh.

I’ll rest a moment. Gather my strength. Oh, how I wish I was somewhere warm, far away from that strange Peg Bowen. Perhaps in King Arthur’s forest…

Anne: Now this is better! [laughs] Ugh!

Robin: Ugh! [screams]

Anne: Sir, can you tell me where… Sir!

Robin: It’s chasing us! Get on the horses[?]! I mean, the horses. Whoa!

Anne: Sir, are you alright?

Robin: [screams] Oh, why. Tis only a fair maiden.

Anne: And you must be a knight and his band of merry men.

Robin: Robin Goodfellow, at your service.

Anne: Anne Shirley, at yours.

Robin: What might a damsel like you be doing in a forest like this?

Anne: I’m imagining I’m far from danger.

Robin: In this forest?

Anne: Why yes, it looks to be perfectly lovely.

Robin: Do not be deceived. This forest is fraught with peril. We brave certain death to reach the village of Avonlet to pay tribute to the new wizard.

Anne: What’s in the forest?

Robin: Dragons.

Anne: Well, in order to calm my frazzled nerves, I choose not to believe in dragons today.

Robin: You’re not afraid?

Anne: No! I’ll leave if you like.

Robin: You heard her. Give her your horse!

Forgive him, my lady. We’re not accustomed to such bravery, especially among fair lasses.

My lady!

Anne: What’s wrong?

Robin: [?] thou not ride side-saddle?

Anne: This way is much more comfortable.

Robin: Men, we have found a strange one.

Anne: Why is everyone clambering around?

Robin: They have never seen such wondrous attire.

Anne: No, I suppose they haven’t.

Robin: Will thou help preparing the feast?

Anne: With pleasure!

Anne: Perfect! We don’t have food like this where I come from.

Robin: We’ve gone to the Ends of the Earth to find delicacies for our celebration.

Anne: The ends of the Earth is a fine and quaint phrase, Robin. But I never use it myself. It’s so dreadfully old-fashioned.

Robin: Why is that?

Anne: Because as everybody knows there are no ends to the Earth.

Robin: Huh!

Anne: Well… [giggles] everybody knows the Earth is a round.

Robin: [gasps]

Robin: [gasp]

Old lady: Did she say round?

Robin: [laughs]

Anne: Whoa!

Robin: Fair Anne, everybody knows Earth is flat. Where did you hear such folly?

Anne: I read it in a book, of course!

Robin: [gasps]

People: [gasp]

Man: A girl who can read?!

Robin: That’s impossible, girls don’t read.

Anne: I think you’re all overreacting, really.

Robin: True. It’s only a young girl’s flights of fancy.

Anne: But it’s not fancy at all!

Robin: [whispers] Anne!

Anne: Uh, perhaps I’ll just keep quiet.

Lady: She’s a witch! It’s clear as day.

Anne: Robin! Do something!

Robin: What?

Anne: Convince them I’m not a witch just because I’m different.

Robin: Um… wait! Everybody, let’s take her to the wizard. She will pass judgement.

Anne: Yes, the wizard! The wizard…

Who is this wizard anyway?

Robin: The wise and wonderful Pegina Bowenna.

Anne: [gasps] What did you say her name was?

Anne: It’s Peg. My goose is cooked.

Peg: I have heard your crimes. False notions on the shape of our world, a mysterious ability to read, strange clothes the likes of which we have ve never seen, and… And…

Guard: [whispers] [?]...insufficient fear of dragons.

Peg: Ah, yes! And an insufficient fear of dragons.

Robin: Sorry, Anne. They forced it out of me.

Old man: Name her punishment!

Peg: These are indeed strange qualities for a young girl to possess. They may frighten and confound us.

Anne: Oh, how did I ever get so strange?

Peg: And yet there is no reason to punish her.

People: [gasp]

Anne: Phew.

Peg: The girl’s eccentric. Merely ahead of her time. We must tolerate her beliefs and habits, not be cruel.

Anne: Oh, merciful Pegina Bowenda, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Peg: I admit, child, your fashion sense leaves a great deal to be desired.

Robin: [laughs] Let us begin festivities for our wise and wondrous wizard!

People: [cheer]

Anne: Hooray! Yay!

Robin: [laughs] Hoorah!

Anne: Wise and wondrous… wise and wondrous… [screams] Pegina Bowenda!

Peg: What are you going on about?

Anne: You… you saved me.

Peg: Just my luck. Finding a damsel in distress in my busiest time of year.

Anne: I’m… I’m frozen and fear.

Peg: No, child, you’re just frozen. Get on the sled and we’ll go warm you up. Don’t forget that silly hat.

Peg: Now you get this inside you.

Anne: Uh, thank you. Wait. Is this some… some potion from your cauldron?

Peg: [laughs] It’s only tea.

Anne: [sniffs] It does smell like Marilla’s.

Mmm. What’s that sweet taste?

Peg: Secret ingredient. I’ll show you on our way back. Which should be soon, storm’s clearing, we better be off, I’ve got a work to do.

Anne: But my clothes are soaked.

Peg: No matter. I have an idea.

Anne: [swallows]

Anne: I feel silly.

Peg: You’d rather wear your wet clothes?

Anne: No. It’s just… I’ve never worn trousers before.

Peg: First time for everything.

Anne: I admit they are exceedingly warm.

Peg: I made them. A secret ingredient in the felt keeps them cosy.

Anne: What’s that?

Peg: Oh, I’ll never tell. [laughs]

Anne: [swallows]

Anne: Is this your potion?

Peg: Haven’t you ever seen maple syrup get made before?

Anne: Maple syrup?!

Peg: Kids these days don’t know anything. End of winter I make maple syrup from these here maple trees when the sap starts raising. Anne: So the drill…

Peg: ...makes tiny holes into the maple trees.

Anne: And the little buckets…

Peg: Catch the sap!

Anne: Um, delicious! If the kids could see me now, tasting a potion from your cauldron.

Peg: [laughs] Oh, what a strange one you are.

Anne: [giggles]

Anne: [gasps] But… why do you like living alone in the forest?

Peg: We aren’t all chatty little red-heads, you know.

Anne: Yes. Like Matthew’s snowflakes were all different. But you must admit, you are more different than most.

Peg: You think so?

Anne: No other women wear trousers.

Peg: Mark my words. There’ll come a time when we'll see more girls in trousers than girls dressed like princesses.

Anne: What, do you think I’m eccentric too?

Peg: I’d say you are.

Anne: You… you mean I’ll turn out like you?

Peg: Only if you’re lucky.

Matthew: [off-screen] Anne!

Anne: Matthew!

Diana: Are we ever glad to see… uh!

Matthew: Uh!

Gilbert: What the...

Anne: What’s wrong?

Diana: [giggles] What on Earth are you wearing?

Anne and Peg: [laugh]

Anne: She was only making maple syrup.

Perry: So that’s how she earns a living.

Diana: That seems all is explained now.

Gilbert: Uh, she still gives me the willies.

Peg: Here’s your clothes. All dried.

Anne: Thanks.

Peg: Still catching snowflakes?

Matthew: When the idea strikes me.

Peg: You always were an odd one, Matthew Cuthbert.

Well, I’ve got to go for ride[?] for dip in the stew pod, then I’m off to fix Miss McGillycuddy’s[?] knees.

Perry: With the potion?

Peg: You might say so.

Gilbert: I doubt Peg Bowen will ever be completely understood.

Anne: And Gilbert, that’s just the way she likes it.